Divorce- How to protect yourself financially

Friday, May 19th

00:22:58

This week we Cash in with the Expert Kristin Paul author of Freeing Yourself Financially A Woman’s Guide To Rebuilding Her Finances After Divorce

https://www.amazon.in/Freeing-Yourself-Financially-Rebuilding-Finances-e...

Transcription

The thing back to the day you walked on the I don't know your wedding debt and you were overwhelmed with emotion at that point it was going to be forever you were gonna make each other happy for the rest of your lives in the white picket fence. The perfect little family. Well this and begins for everyone something happens along the way and the dreaded. Pops up divorce and it's sad but from the many you both uttered that word in your marriage goes from glove and is this deal you have to protect yourself and your finances and as. It is you have to take the emotion now it's seven figures unseen fighters protect yourself and your finances to take the emotion out that's the focus of this weekly podcast. We bring in the experts and we judge everything that how stingy with setting you up for financial success to keep you focused. Financial independence is the ultimate goal money. Is a major reason for stress in our lives let's take away that stress and actually be able to enjoy life. And let me tell you it feels pretty damn good to go into work knowing that. You're there because you want to be there and not because you have to be there. This week we Qassam the act's first master's degree banking and finance her resume also includes investment executives. A finance and economics college professor and now author of freeing yourself financially a women's guide to rebuilding her finances after divorce Christen Paul. Kristin for joining us think about my. Divorce I don't think anybody on their wedding day is thinking about oh yeah my marriage won't last. How many times have you talked to somebody who has been threat and they tell you the same thing divorce will ruin you financially. And it's not just men saying that he regards to child support payments and alimony actually studies show that the first year after a divorce the wife's standard of living traps about 27%. And at first I saw that. I was like still in 2017. Is this referring to stay at home moms is that because women still tend to make a last. But then they send to think well more times than not. One person in the relationship passed a pullback from their career when kids are involved and I guess it's still tends to be the woman. Absolutely. It's impossible in their professional or both or act now to be working you know 6070 hours a week and still have. A relationship with the family and that the children but somebody does make an attacker by most times it is employment. So her income all ready because of that it is black. And then when you add into the divorce. She's starting on a lower income she they'll have their responsibilities. Of children and yet to make that choice do I increase my income by working more hours. The talk and increased at our cost the big air yeah I'm poured it right keep adding them. Level that fame and try to get my children Mora might. Okay let's be honest if we're looking at our marriage as a business deal like the cord dives. As much is it pains me to say yet it's probably not a good idea to have just one person take over the finances like most of us do. Maybe just once a month that Darren and go through everything together okay and that the other really important thing is and that has. Ordered if you're injured divorcing or you cannot be sure that the other person knows the past where. To the bank statements to the credit card payment to the retirement account any investment accounts you have. Because if something did happen Q even appeared in the hot at all. You might need access to note that information intake in Ireland that further if you are thinking that your divorce thing or you're going to that crap that's. You need full information of people need to know what had. The bank account is how to act that the bank account and all the other things including the attack which involved a very important. You wanna make sure that your credit report is accurate. And Kreider reported the big thing going through divorce. I slipper woman I'm just a couple of reasons why one is is there any financial abuse or domestic abuse. A tactic that some people use is they will take out a card in there. I'll that the another thing to think about it if you aren't they at home mom you don't have an income to show up and if you do leave. It is harder to get credit. Even a credit card that is an issue that a lot of woman pays. You don't have. Any crowd had that they can't borrow money. They might not believe and to get an apartment because they don't have that any credit so that they happening they've been paying especially the built about on the hot name. If you see year marriage is going down the wrong path going on the path to divorce. It's timing key. Bringing in the tricky issue one area timing would be. Do you think that you're out of going to get a promotion. He is going to get a promotion you might wanna wait until after he does because. If you aren't winning it after it you want to make sure that there's something built in to the agreement that separation agreement that as bad. Icky repeat the higher pay you look at additional how part or out all court. Oh that is one area where timing could be an inch. You mean all manned by the way are cringing at this and sometimes in some relationships it could be reverse. But studies show that it it typically is the woman who hits harder. Yeah. Tartar with the financial side of divorce through another thing is Social Security ten years is the magic number I believed to get a piece of his or her. Social Security. Definitely advocate an app and along the same line you should have. Write it some of their retirement account as well and and there's. I think a formula that they are able. Try it go by depending on the number of years. That you're married you should be read entitled to promote their retirement which makes sense because. You heard you know packer piping and they were working hard as well so and it works both ways that the act all I was can be. And have them appear retirement now embarked on paper there a lot of things it very complicated. Very Mastny. Though that some of the things to think about it but not just your current things that all of future benefit retirement Social Security. My cats I can only imagine my husband's rates are adopting is listening to events but like reset at the start of the podcast the court sees your marriage. As a business agreement. And to protect yourself when the thought of divorce comes out unfortunately using all the emotion out and see it as as a business deal as well. That's very hard to do that because there are emotions huge emotions involved but also. But it you can kind of operate your emotions. And that easily worked that Ani if you have till buried in just going to dent the break up that buried up a competent when you're dealing with that. But the that the fact that the money and that that if if you can just try to focus. The business that it will banner of EU in the future definitely. Post nuptial agreements I guess it's supposed to protect she wins here in the middle of okay this relationship is in going where we thought it was gonna go out when we walked down the aisle. The last ditch effort to make this marriage work some would advise you to look into post nuptial agreements which means. Therefore this gives really ugly and before we really Haiti Sean there. Let's try to iron out the deet tails if you had to do it again would you entertain that idea. He had. I am testing that. It's similar mediation which is definitely the way to go if you can. But mediation might continue issue both meet with the mediator and he tried to. Check out all that a decision and then that aspect of our Bob does this is that while. And and the mediator can come up with us separation agreement which and you can take care lawyer. Half Hemmer hurt review at and then he can go back to the mediator with any changes that you request. But it wasn't really getting in a room. Door. Future acts out and trying to come up together but how we can fairly look the at at and become a liability. After the divorce how do we recover financially. How do we get back on her feet. First thing that you need to do and that really should be while you're still living others you run an extra you have all the documents need. And even the basic document that because you're leaving the house you have your Social Security card your birth certificate. Do you have your children birth certificate you have any medical information do you have the insurance cards are copies of insurance card. Glad to make sure that you're operating financially meaning that all accounts. Our left and some people don't do the right way you want to make sure that you are name is on any thing. You are not required to pay like if you stay in the house is your name on the electric well. Are you required to pay back. That's tested these threats. Only uses and so overwhelming. And it is overwhelming and what I did in the bucket I really. Broke it down it's just doing one thing at a time into the very important that's because like you said that it was so overwhelming. A lot of times things are overwhelmingly at a prestook aside and we don't want that ballot so what you wanna do you wanna say what it might income. You know whether what are you making career job and then do you have child supporters apple support our. Even dividends or anything like that that you might have coming and take packet where you are. In terms of your income log all year and that border at least a month. We'll now see that's good advice for all of us we should all do that as painful as it is as much as we hate to keep blogs like the food log in the Moneyline. It's hard to be completely honest but it does show the real picture even the little expenses rated down. But that doesn't count in my heat actually we don't it does count and then what I suggest also in the Bakken. If my own learning experience I had about I percent of that number supposed dirt and with our 2000 dollars. So maybe add 5% or a hundred dollars extra because there are adjustments there are things that you forgot. I'm still come up they were unexpected you may wanna have a little caution and then the next that this compared to Q is your income greater than your expense. We all grown mentally revisit that app. When you're looking through your money line be realistic needs vs wants so yeah about that aren't aren't perfect but we cover coffee if the. Exactly and the funny that in that usually what I mean I saw a bicycle I you know cut out to our back. About. But one says that instead bring your own launcher bring leftovers. But there are many other ways early in the creek expand those. And I am in a lot of different ways from the the first look at how much you are planning on certain categories are you comfortable at that amount. You feel like it panning to match I'm going out to eat which is a very common wanna be look at maybe if you've got it right. A month the content to want them on par and B do you have children. Instead of having relatives giving toys that are incurred. Holidays you can ask her membership to the zoo are museum child museum. Make bad ass and Monday were your spending time with the kids. And you can pack a picnic lunch stick a free day for you but at the great. Adventure and then it's great activities are at the amber working with other woman is. Can be very important you can clap babysitting where he wants you to do anything do the grocery shopping or go out with almond. Pack your NBA but the kid and then at another time you beat that their children. And it pre there's so many different little things. And it's these little things that seem so obvious but really honestly it add stop turn without began the live right. Live lean and live mean and it really add up. Yes definitely it's that important once you have that information and go to Mac app which. Again that the overwhelming. What asset is half what you currently own. And then look at the app that what liabilities he's happy at Kiev are you have you know loan. You have a mortgage after you look at and you know worries and financially. Then you can take the appropriate app to get yourself back on track. You want to increase your income and most of us are going to running is their income because that we talked about and the beginning. We offer made one helpful to you how well we are worst. Our inner clothing has on how can we increase that standard of living in the first thing. Once you get that happen again it's very overwhelming and don't expect to be doing that in Topeka Kansas and take months. And that's okay. As long as you're making certain that. When you look at your income. You want to have arrest made dash time. I think that is very important for your employment for future employment and even if you think. I'm not going to it's my job I love my job. Brenly mentioned other the new position opening in our company and you realize that it burlap or money made it better hours. And he wanted to act and that you wanna have that rest may ready to go immediately. And confidence. Confidence is a big thing that I think more women struggle with then men and we don't self promote enough. And it pulled looking at your liabilities and assets that is something you should do yearly everybody had to do just depending skip. You know it'd the big picture of what's going on what did I do this year that I I can trim away the fact and you know apply it to something else. So back on track and you know that that increases order up some of these that LA. But at the pleasure credit card that. And you can put that on that money that you're out hitting goes to something else. They can you cannot have a car payment or a student loan write or you can actually increase your savings and just depending on where you output along that spectrum. The app you know it's funny because every time we do best podcast no matter what topic what theme we're talking about everybody says the same thing. Is to be aware. Of where you stand in to knock down that debt piece by piece in state guest. And starting of course with. The highest interest. Takes discipline it takes folk yes well one thing we knew because you've lived this UN through and that's. What made you. Right fist block what was one thing that you found most overwhelming. It was the biggest struggle to overcome but once you did it felt damn good. I think the biggest thing was. Really. My lifestyle change where I went from two income where he made much more than I did 21 income. And I couldn't afford to going to the department started by a close arm myself for my children I went to attract shot. That that was one thing coming to an example you know and food expect that Matt laid down. We didn't go to the movies populate paint and they came out and he beat. I'm an army have you know movie night so I think really these standard of living adjustment was huge I won I. Was able to adjust to that and kind of take back and realize that. It matters but only critics and they're really that the most important thing is spending quality time with your gambling and I was able to you back. It was just a different way. I can't must be so hard as a mom. When your kids are asking for things in you just can't make it happen it's just not in the budget. But you don't see that they can comprehend that they just see with their friends have now they don't have it and mommy said they don't have it. I think really in Billings the value. That money. Doesn't necessarily by app is important and it is really like it and it really hard for kids do not understand that but one thing you can do is say. Brand you know the next holiday okay for your prep day will buy you that that videogame. You just have to leave a little out and it is done it's very hard. And it's hard on the child but it teaches them something and then them. Lifelong lesson that they realize they you don't know really get instant gratification. Yeah and you'd have to regret and that prepared them for the future and they can't buy a house on day one when they. You know when they think they they're going to have to thank for that tightening. That is very valuable last and it's a hard one art told while. But it is very important must span and reiterating that yet pending. I'm with Adam. Is truly against. Where it because he could go out needy and get a second job give your kids every single thing they want another missing out the most important thing which is you. Yeah and that's I think we all struggle with that I struggle with that I feel like get a point I talk too much about money with the kids may feel it's. Now they're like off moms are gonna say yes because she's cheaper radar she always says now ask her for money but it's a fine line between. Teaching them the lesson. I don't care if your friend has. Twelve pairs of sneakers. Right you've got to go on and you're gonna get your next fairway and back to a shopping cart they weren't. Very that they why am I feel guilty right adept jabbing going through this the process of divorce so you feel guilty. And that's one thing that probably a lot of parents do unintentionally. Just give give give and then it does it become a game of competing. Who gives right mom or dad. They can very well become a game of computing and battered interests. For many reasons because what are you teaching your children at that point that you can buy a a lot of that is value. You know what you want to teach your children is the most important thing expressed an around that time. The more important that you can't have everything that you won and instantly that you have to work for I think the reality of you know. Most of us have everything we want we do make sacrifices that they learn that any young ain't right I do think that advocates stamina future. The wind come to you and say Al but dad says it's okay your dad bought me desks. Explained some bands that situation. And how to make it a learning pain let you know I teachable moment. Dad might feel that for a bat but I'm not and that ain't financial situation you know I have that that and that's all that I need to pay. I make less money and it's OK to be honest. Maybe they'll get a different perspective and I'll have credit it for what you give it to about what you're able to get to him. When you're going through divorce. It cost a lot financially but all though. Take a logical there's a psychological cost to rent. Absolutely it takes a huge emotional call because not only are you owning up to the first night I you're going to an arrest in real life wet but it children are brought in Bob. You're having to struggle at that guilt. Having the children be enough but how cold and you really need to focus on health care. That is very important lean on the people that are close you better care for you seek out account learned at something you feel you need. They'll going to the doctor making sure you you are typically healthy. And mentally help is very important for not only you but for your children but all of back and give you that confident that we are discussing earlier now. Our allies and investments we appreciate you listening to this pod casting me also appreciate you subscribing to it on iTunes would the most important piece of advice you can give when it comes to rebuilding financially after a divorce. I think when when we reach pride mediation. And and I went my lawyer it as well where we came back with multiple issues. And it broke down. Mediation broke down. That I think I was the point right how hopeless I felt like I was not going elegant out of that. Relationship I was not going to go start my life over which it I was just desperate to be right responders are over and Eric to build myself up again this arc and build up my finances again and take control again. So I think that that was a low moment for me and that it was really hard. It Gila. It just it was Brad felt trapped so. I really had that plane ticket and that I a lot of people to keep me going. And just threw. Really leaning. Closest people in my life. Trying to stay as positive as possible and another I think pride the biggest pain. But knowing that this is not going to go on robbery and I'll like it there would be a point I could see in the future that would be. Only separated and then divorce and I would be rebuilding my life and I booked port at that. So I think knowing that the process is not going last everybody feel like I'm not rapper. Really home I mean I knew there would be an ending point don't know when it was but I knew there would be an ending point. And Kristen Powell freeing yourself financially a woman's guide to rebuilding her finances after divorce it's on Kindle to find it also on Amazon and think GO. Thank you very much for having me it really. We did focus a lot and women. I need to give equal time to demand a recognized so I need to find a book Jack houk men to rebuild their finances after divorce I'll work on that but next week on seven figures and it is a tough conversation to have but it needs to be well thought out. When it comes to wills and estate planning. We invite back in the experts from the trial of tell us the ins and outs of protecting yourself. And your parents' estates next week I'm seventy years. I'm Twitter at seven figures pot in things subscribing and I she's.