So I’ve been away from Rochester for about 8 years now frolicking with flowers and hookers in Sacramento and Las Vegas (respectively). During this time I enjoyed not having to actually own a winter coat. Winters meant rain and taking pictures on the beach making sand snowmen to send back to family back home just to piss them off.
After moving back I gave in and decided to get one ahead of time (compared to my normal procrastinating self that would normally wait until the first blizzard then haul ass to the store in a tshirt cussing out my life).
As a kid growing up on the east side we always pined for the stores in Greece that seemed to be just too far away. That’s where all the good stores were, but you could never convince your parents or your friends parents to drive out there. Worse, if you needed a jacket you’d not only NOT go to Greece, you’d end up with some sassy number from Ames or Gold Circle that got you made fun of until spring came as you hung your head in shame.
Now as a mature *cough* adult I decided it was time for all of that to change and braved a 30 minute drive to the mall in Greece. I didn’t even have to stop to get gas or take a bathroom break. I was impressed. I made it to Greece!
I got out of my car and was promptly met by 3 gentlemen in puffy jackets who let out a “yo” and a head nod/eye brow raise before one of them tripped on their pants and had to pull them back up to his mid-thigh.
Entering by the food court I saw a new attraction that had been added since I had last been there. The Paul Blart Mall Cop ELEVATED throne. Now they can watch and rule you from above while you chomp on your overcooked Chinese food or 37 year old piece of pizza from Sbarro. And it even looks legit.
After debating between a normal coat and a “holy *#@*# I just moved back to Rochester I bet the winter is gunna &@#@ with me” ultra-mega-parka, I pondered my luck quickly before selecting the parka. Mother Nature likes to @&#* with me.
Headed back to my car after taking a few “hey gurrrl”s too many before bumping into my good friend lil wayne! So we took the obligatory facebook shot.
Then I made fun of his grill and he tried to bitch slap me…after that I decided I was out.