I had a run in yesterday with probably the most annoying of the annoying. This guy was using the speaker function during a call on his cell...IN A PUBLIC PLACE. It reminded me of a piece I wrote a while back...
The world is my phone booth
Don't shush me! I understand that we are in a crowded elevator, but that doesn't mean I can't openly discuss the details of my upcoming Brazilian Wax with my bestie! If anything YOU should be quiet! After all, I'm the one who's on the ph...Hang on, can you hear me? I know, I'm in an elevator! Who would actually think reception would be awful in a metal box surrounded by concrete, right?!
Wait one second! Did you just tell me to keep it down in a movie theater?! How rude! Yes, I realize we are approaching the films climax, but Ashley called ME! It would be rude to, you know, let it go to voice mail or, God forbid, have my phone turned off during a movie! Look, I have to take this! She's totally crushing on a guy at work and need my advice! Right now! In a crowded movie theater!
...Sorry, Ash. Some people are so rude. You were saying he invited you to spend a weekend with him in the 1,000 Islands? Gurrrrrrl!!!
Hey, who slapped me across the back of my head with a Twizzlers?! Do you not know that I am an extremely social person who requires non stop communication?!
Maybe I can have my important phone conversations someplace a bit more quiet and accommodating. Someplace like the library! I'm sure that they will at least appreciate my super-sweet ring tone. Everyone loves Aqua! "Barbie Girl" never gets old! "I'm a Barbie Girl, in a Barbie worrrrlld..."
Don't ask me to take my phone outside or someplace more private! The world is my phone booth! Duh! What's the point of having a cell phone if I can't use it everywhere! Alright, fine! I'll just wait to call Chrissy back until I'm on some form of public transportation. She just got stood up on a blind date and I'm going to publicly console her! I'm just like Ellen!
Oh, wait. I know they're exchanging their vows at the altar right now, but I just HAVE to take this! I have to know all about Lauren's trip to Cancun with our sorority sisters last week. Seriously. This can't wait...
Tough times at Messenger Post
Things have gotten so bad, that apparently they've resorted to hiring wildlife! Word on the street is deer will work hourly for minimum wage and don't require medical, dental or a 401K match! Check out this video of the deer tearing up the Canandaigua office.
DEER! YOU ARE NOT A NEWSPAPER REPORTER! YOUR LARGE HOOVES MAKE TYPING INDIVIDUAL LETTERS ON A KEYBOARD VIRTUALLY IMPOSSIBLE!
So cute! Not really... Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon, as you may have heard, recently became parents of twin babies! Their names are Morrocan and Monroe. They call them Roc and Roe, for short. Atrocious! Parents of America, it's perfectly acceptable to give your kids a normal name. Roc and Roe...my God. Cute kids though. Is that...Barbara Walters? Isn't exposing your kids to that woman at such a young age some sort of child abuse?