Another sensational submission for Guest Blogger Friday on the BuzzFeed! Jillian Seaton went to WORK! Seriously. There's more content here than I produce in a week! Follow her on Twitter to let her know how money she is. Maybe she'll tell you where to get one of these bacon bras for your significant other, too.
Bacon & Boobs
As a former cheerleader/sorority girl, being the second guest blogger for Mike Danger is probably not the first idea of what I’d be doing to the blind observer. At least that was my guess when asked last week if I was up to the challenge upon reading the talented Mr. Tom Belknap’s expose on vajazzle. Challenge accepted!
Growing up as one of the only (if not the only) girls among a group of guys, working in a business that is mostly guys and being the sole female on a lease with a bunch of guys for going on four years now, I wouldn’t call myself an expert on the male species, but rather more like an explorer who has spent sufficient time studying a rare breed of exotic animal in the jungle who jumps at the opportunity to share the wisdom that many hours of observation has provided. Upon reading through previous posts in the mostly guy-centric blog, I found two very influential topics missing that downright baffled me: bacon and boobs.
I hear these topics mentioned more times in a week than I can count and they remain two of a very small number of things I can’t relate to my guy friends about, so in that sense, I guess I’m just as intrigued as anyone else. Boobs I can kind of get. Guys don’t have them and I know I’m fascinated by things I don’t have, too (if I’m ever granted three wishes, one of them will be to be a male for a day just so I can finally know what it’s like to pee standing up. You have no idea how lucky you all are!), not to mention, I discovered a newfound appreciation for my own rack earlier this year when I realized they made the perfect shelf for my whiskey when I needed my hands free to read, change the channel, use my cell phone, anything at all! What guys do when they need hands free whiskey drinking may be one of history’s mysteries I will never know.
So that brings us to bacon. Sure, it’s tasty and there aren’t many better cures for a hangover, but it’s just bacon. You rarely see anyone else get as jazzed about any other food. Not only have I witnessed parties held in honor of bacon, I’ve seen guys drop whatever they’ve been doing at a party, even trying to make moves on a girl, because someone showed up and started cooking bacon. Which leads me to believe this theory:
Bacon and boobs have the same effect on guys. Why? I don’t know, but who am I to disagree. It’s science. Some things just are. Don’t believe me? This actually exists, and it only took me one Google image search for it to come up as one of the top listings:
Gentlemen, start your boners!
Now I’m not saying pull a Lady Gaga and prance around the house in a meat dress, but from one “one of the guys’ girl” to any others out there reading this, if your lucky guy has a special day coming up, I suggest you embrace what nature gave you and fry up some slabs of bacon- it’s cheap, simple and he’ll love you forever- not to mention, you don’t have to go crazy with any funky decorations down there. And to all my guy friends: you’re welcome.
1991-One Hell Of A Drug
I feel like every week indisputably ends up somehow having a theme to it. This week’s without a doubt has been music. I’m tempted to say “classic” but that makes me feel old and at the age of 26, I’m just not ready to accept that I’ve been on this earth long enough to have “classics” pass through my time, but it’s becoming more and more apparent that’s something I’m going to quickly need to get over.
This week marked the 20th anniversary of Pearl Jam’s Ten, Nirvana’s Nevermind and Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Blood Sugar Sex Magik. Keep in mind I was only in first grade when these albums came out and although I was lucky enough to be born to two music-loving and for all intents and purposes “cool” parents, there was no way they were going to buy their 6-year-old daughter an album with a naked baby boy on the cover or one with the word “sex” in the title (probably to avoid me asking what it meant) but regardless, I still grew up with this music and consider all three very defining albums both musically for the band as well as for myself. I can still remember listening to these at specific instances at specific points in my life and unlike a lot of bands I got into during middle school or high school, these are three I never grew out of, but rather grew with me.
As everyone knows by now, REM broke up Wendesday. For some reason, this struck a chord in me, but it was one that I couldn’t immediately pinpoint. Unlike Nirvana, Pearl Jam or the Chili Peppers, I didn’t grow up with REM. Sure, I knew who they were and always had a respectful appreciation for them as a band, but I shared no defining moments with them as I did (and do) with many other bands. So why the pang of regret at the news of their break up?
Probably the same reason I HAD to go to New York City to visit CBGB’s when I heard they were closing and the same reason I HAVE to go see Bob Dylan every time he comes to Rochester even though I’ve seen him in concert going on ten times now and every time he’s even more difficult to understand than the time before.
I love celebrating the glory days that were over before I was even born. Or in the case of REM, too young to remember.
I’m sure I’m not alone when I say it feels good to feel like you’re part of something defining with whatever it is you love. For music lovers, it’s bands, musical artists or songs that in some way made an impact whether it’s for a decade, a generation or just one individual fan. The thing is, it’s hard to recognize a defining moment when you’re in it- that’s why we reach out to the glory days of past, “when music was good and meant something.” That’s not to say there aren’t any right now (although it’s much easier to weed out the ones we can’t wait to see disappear. I won’t mention any names). I’m sure we have a lot right now that we can’t see or fully appreciate just yet.
In September 2031, I’ll revisit this idea and let you know how it goes.
Jillian is a grad student working in Marketing. She loves writing, art, rock 'n roll, cheese, stories, kitties and NASA.