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Mike Danger

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These Dogs Need Help

44 Dogs were left at the end of a driveway in Wyoming County. These dogs were hurt, scared, and some have cancerous tumors. The Wyoming Animal Shelter is looking for monetary donations as well as towels and canned foods (because some of the dogs are missing teeth). You can get more information at http://www.wyomingco.net/
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Topics : Human Interest
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Locations : Wyoming County


Guest Blogger Friday-F*&king Look At Me!

Time to share another submission on Guest Blogger Friday.  You guys remember Myspace?  Well, I (like many of you) spent a lot of time on Myspace and one of the things I enjoyed about the site was reading through some of the blogs.  Articles from people I had never met, yet I found interesting, funny, thought provoking, etc...  Well, I was intrigued when I noticed that we had a local blogger whose articles were consistently showcased prominently on the site.  Her name was Madge, and I found that we shared common views on a wide range of topics (insert "Cool story, bro." here).  When Madge and I connected on a far more relevant social networking site recently, an article for Guest Blogger Friday seemed obvious.

The New Attention Whore Culture

 "In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes."  I know its become cliche and everyone has said it, but yea, Andy Warhol was right.  Then some dude named David Weinberger said, "On the Web, everyone will be famous to fifteen people".  That's more like it.


With so many different ways to communicate instantly and so many different media venues, and recording devices at our fingertips, fame has become an epidemic.  On smaller levels, I don't even know if it's fame... just attention.  I had no freakin' idea there were so many people in this world that didn't get enough hugs as a child.  There are a whole bunch of people in this world that make strippers (those most in need of attention) look like reclusive loners that think Ted Kaczynski was a social butterfly.

This is what I’m having for lunch! Lol! Zzzzzz.

Case in point, our latest non-celebrity attention whore, Mariah Yeater.  Sister-girl goes and files suit that little ole Justin Bieber fathered her child.  My guess is, she just wants her 15 minutes (and a little walking around money) anyway she can get it.  Even if it's making herself look like a trollop.  Have you seen her pics?  Ew.  If it were true, I certainly hoped he'd have better taste than that.  But I guess some guys get a thrill out of slummin' it, too.


A “3”.

This may be a dated reference but it's an excellent case study in attention whoreism, that idiot Balloon boy Dad.  He doesn't even merit a name mention.  Who orchestrates that nonsense and tells your kids to lie just to get his rejected-actor-ass on TV?  He should be renamed "Dbag Dad".  


How hungry for attention have we become as a society?  Is it because there are more chances for fame and money?  Is it because people have become less loving?  Do we all just need a group hug and a Snuggi?  Is it because life has become so stressful and expensive that we have "quick buck envy"?   We figure if Snooki can make money, so can we?  Oh Christ, if she can, I should be a skajillionaire with my drunk-ass shenanigans.  So, I'm 20 years older than her, and my cans are a cup size smaller, it could still happen.  

Speaking of Snooki…

I admit sometimes I find myself in attention whore mode.  I wrote an almost daily blog for years with hundreds of readers and hundreds of comments each day.  That can certainly be addicting.  But I stopped.  I don't know why.  Got writer's block, got tired, started getting haters, whatever.  A couple years have gone by and I find myself dipping my toe into the attention waters from time to time.  Posting statuses on Facebook, witty retorts on Twitter, guestblogs for the fabulous Mike Danger...  And sometimes when no one responds to my witty retorts... I post a pic with cleavage.  There, I said it!  Ya' got me!  I'm a closet attention whore!  I need hugs!  Forgive me Father for I have sinned...


They say the first step is admitting you have a problem.  I'm Madge, and I'm an Attention Whore.  (slinks away weeping)

Madge is Marketing Consultant in Rochester who has issues.  She’s loud, short and has red hair. Follow Madge on Twitter

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BuzzFeed-Mon. 11/7/11

RIP Andy
Andy Rooney passed away over the weekend at the age of 92.  If you think I hate everything, check out this dude's body of work.  I look at Andy Rooney like the Nickelback of news.  No one will admit that they like him, but someone went out and bought those 50 million albums.  I'd say TV will never be the same, but I never watched 60 minutes anyway.  What am I, 76 years old?

RIP DIppin' Dots
Remember when Dippin' Dots first dropped on the scene? "The Ice Cream of the Future!" Well, the future is over, apparently.  Dippin' Dots have filed for bankruptcy.  I'm going to shane an unpopular opinion with you.  Dippin' Dots are TOTALLY overrated.  This is the problem I have with a lot of things.  Something is totally awesome on its own, and we feel the need to try and improve it.  Ice cream is one of those things.  HD TV is one of those things.  I don't need 3D TV when my HD TV is perfect as it stands.  Why would you want to try and improve Ice Cream?  Oh, and at a higher price point, too? I think I paid something like $8 for a small cup at Darien Lake once.  No thanks. Hit the bricks, Dippin' Dots.

RIP Champ, wait...no?
Many reports all weekend on the death of Joe Frazier.  Only problem is, as I'm writing this he's still alive...I think.  Regardless, it sounds like he doesn't have much time and some jouranlists out there aren't checking thier sources.  Small favor to ask...if I'm sick, please wait until I'm actually dead before you announce it to the world.  In the meantime, I'm going to make up my own RIP claims.  Nice run, Adam Sandler.  You will be missed.

Clam Flesh
That's a lot of morbid to start off your Monday, so allow me to switch gears and share a video I found over the weekend.  Sadly, I am not the deviant who came up with this.  Nigella Lawson of Food Network talks dirty.  Enjoy...


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Guest Blogger Friday-Start with a fish

Guest Blogger Friday has become an unstoppable force in the universe.  Today local art dealer Steve Argento chimes in with a word of caution if you're in the market for an exotic companion that isn't an Asian prostitute. 

Lions, Tigers and Kinkajous .....Oh My!!

Recently there has been some disturbing trends in the news regarding exotic pet ownership and the tragedy that can follow when not so stable people care for animals that are better served and cared for in a professional zoo setting.  

Just a few weeks ago at a private game farm in Ohio, a man released dozens of dangerous, wild animals before he committed suicide.  Police shot and killed the vast majority of the 56 animals, and the six survivors were taken to the Columbus Zoo to be cared for.  To state the obvious, this was a shame.

However, rather than debate the multiple and somewhat obvious reasons one should not own an exotic animal as a pet, lets delve into the real problem.  Human beings aren’t that bright........ And here are a few examples of why people + exotic animals = disaster:

Most people have heard the story of the Connecticut woman, Carla Nash, who was mauled by a chimpanzee a few years ago. The 57-year-old Nash was attacked in Stamford in February 2009 by a friend's 200-pound chimpanzee, which ripped off her nose, lips, eyelids and hands. In this case, the owner had a few red flags that keeping the animal as a family pet probably was not the smartest decision.  The ape had a history of aggressive behavior and apparently was gobbling Xanax like tic-tacs in order to stay calm.  Note to self: If you have to give your 200lb pet primate anti-depressants, you should probably seek a psychiatrist yourself. Especially if you want to keep him as a pet in your suburban neighborhood home.

In 2005 in Little Falls, Minnesota a lion and tiger owned by auto mechanic Chuck Mock reportedly bolted from their cage and pounced on a 10-year-old boy.  Since when does
knowing the difference between a 305 Chevy and 302 Ford engine, make you think you can keep not one, but two big cats as pets? There is a reason they were given the name “Maneater” and it’s not because of their love for Hall and Oates.  Once again, a tragic outcome.  The child was seriously injured, and is now a quadriplegic and on a respirator.

Then there’s Paris Hilton’s infamous pet Kinkajou named Baby Luv.  During a charity event in 2006, Paris tried to pose for a few pictures with the raccoon-like critter on her shoulder and the frightened animal, which is known for having incredibly sharp claws and harmful saliva, (the kinkajou not the heiress/pornstar) repeatedly scratched and bit Hilton.  Days later, Baby Luv bit Paris so badly, that she was rushed to a hospital emergency room.  Hilton gave Baby Luv the boot a short time after.  So, apparently it took two attacks to convince this future Darwin Award winner that an exotic pet was not a smart idea.... Go figure.

Hilton family Gyno...It's a dirty job.

We’ve all toyed with the idea of how “cool’ it would be to own an exotic pet and I am no exception.  I’ve owned a vicious 24 inch rat snake that was afraid of live mice, a bunny with gnashing teeth (a la Monty Python) and up till recently a Savannah cat named Lucy who thought she was a dog. 

In my safe little world, I prefer to own pets that wont throw poo at me, gnaw on my skull like a chew-toy or rip my limbs off and beat me with them. 

Call me crazy.

Steven Argento is a well-hung, local art dealer and owner of the Ramon Santiago Studio and SC Fine Arts. Follow him here on Twitter.
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Caption This! 11/3/11

Wrapping up a week that featured a couple of celebrity divorces (Kim, Zooey call me!) and unprotected, pre-marital Bieber sex, the last thing you need is to wrap your head around more nonsense that the world craps at you.  Too bad.  It's a crazy world.  Somebody oughta sell tickets.  Explain the picture below as best you can, in caption form.  I await your reaction in our friendly, broken captcha protected, comments...

'Ordinarily that's not where you spray deodorant, but Kim's problem had to be addressed.'
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BuzzFeed-Tue. 11/1/11

Get this thing off of me
Hope everyone had an enjoyable Halloween.  Wanted to start today with an alarming trend.  Too many of you are dressing your dog up as if it were human.  Your dog is a dog.  It comes from the wild.  It hasn't evolved the way we as humans have and probably doesn't appreciate you treating him like an infant child.  He doesn't even look cute.  He looks miserable.  Just because your significant other won't commit, move in, or take the next step in your relationship, doesn't mean you need to pretend your dog is a baby in a demented game of house.  Doggie yoga is a horrible idea.  Your dog is not really a vegetarian.  It prefers meat over tofu and soy.  It would rather eat its own feces! And most of the time, it will! Come on.  Your dog  just wants to eat, shit, sleep, and destroy your stuff.  It's a simple animal.  Every time I see a dog in a Cosby sweater, or worse, a Halloween costume, I imagine he will lick his ass extra good before coming in to lick your face.  Be careful the next time you force a pair of khakis on your canine, for he may be plotting a time to tear a hole in your windpipe.  Your dog doesn't need to wear a beret and spritzing it with your CK perfume isn't doing him any favors.  Do you have any idea what would happen to your dog in the pound? You don't want to know. Dog Vader is NOT a good idea.  Expect a tootsie roll on your pillow or your dog to run far, far away before your next scheduled doggie oil massage.

Kim calls it quits
If you're the kind of person who would dress up their dog, I'm guessing you would also follow along with the Kardashians and their contrived, forced brand of "reality".  Here's a wake up call for you.  None of it is real.  None of it.  Their job (lol) is to make you believe that this drama actually exists in their lives.  It doesn't.  They make more money than we mortals can imagine.  Cameras follow their every move.  None of us can relate to their "real" lives so they manufacture drama.  And you eat it up.  Let's not forget the only reason this skank is famous is because she nailed Brandy's brother and let him film/release it to the public.  Brandy's brother! And you're surprised that she's splitting from some NBA spare who you had never heard of prior to their relationship? I'm done.  I've had bowel movements last longer that their marriage.  Coincidentally, from now on, I will be calling my B.M.s "Kardashians".

"Why were you late for today's meeting, Mike"
"Real sorry, Bob.  I had to take a huge Kardashian.  Chili last night." *winks*

It can't be long now
Last week I had heard rumblings of a Scott Weiland Christmas album.  That would be Scott Weiland, lead singer of Stone Temple Pilots.  The same Scott Weiland known primarily for his past battles with hard drugs and various rehab stints.  Well, I ignored the rumors and couldn't believe for one moment that one of the great front men to come out of 90's rock would go all Bing Crosby on us all.  And then I opened my mail yesterday.  It's true.  And it's horrifying.  No wonder Gen X is so effed in the head.  Look at what has happened to our heroes!  Axl has had more work done than Joan Rivers and Weiland is crooning "Winter Wonderland".  By the way, before you ask, "White Christmas" is track 3.  He doesn't have a problem, he just likes the way it smells...hard.
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BuzzFeed-Mon. 10/31/11

This is Halloween
SLUTS! Halloween is all about sluts! Hope you got out there and made horrible decisions. But tonight is game time. My focus is on candy.  My youngest is now at an age where she can make an impact on collection.  No excuses.  The forecast is calling for a decent night, so I'll be brewing up a travel mug of Irish Coffee and walking my girls door to door pestering neighbors.  Our strategy is not unlike that of the Cobra Kai: Strike first.  Strike Hard.  No mercy.  In the end, when the Pixy Stix dust has settled, I am confident there will be a king's ransom of candy spread across our kitchen table.  This is what Halloween has become for me.

Ditka's the best
I'm a degenerate for the NFL.  I'll watch any game regardless of who's playing or the quality of play.  Football, beer, a pot of chili and a Manwich.  NFL Sundays are the absolute best, I'm sorry.   By now, you know I'm a massive Chicago Bears fan.  And you may or may not know that the Bears had a bye this week meaning no action from my team.  No worries.  I can always just pull up old footage of Da Coach to entertain me.

Zero f&(ks given.
...and while on the topic of sports, who horrified are you if your a Texas fan? Dallas got destroyed by Philly last night, and your baseball team let their first World Series title slip through their fingers.  For the second year in a row, the Texas Rangers are Major League Baseball's runner-up.  Enjoy your steak knives.

Irrational Fears
I have a few of them.  Most were confronted head on with a trip to Blue Cross Arena on Saturday for the circus.  Great show, by the way.  Much more of an actual SHOW than I remember it being as a kid.  So, irrational fears...clowns, snakes, little people, and closed spaces all on display for one glorious afternoon! Can't believe I made it through the whole show without passing out.  Also can't believe I didn't chew out the kid sitting behind me who doesn't cover his mouth when he sneezes.  Back of my neck got hit with a mist of pre-teen snot germs and reacted on my skin like holy water on a vampire.  I'm not a germaphobe, but I HAD to take another shower when I got home.  

Wants to kill you...
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Topics : Sports
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Locations : DallasTexas


Guest Blogger Friday-Now with more Klout!

Guest Blogger Friday is ready to kick off your weekend with a wide variety of  topics to cover courtesy of our pal Andy from the exceptional local music blog typanogram.com. Baseball, to social media, to the violent, destructive tendencies of my wife, dive in head first and soak in the greatness...

Best of 2011
As the calendar gets ready to turn over to November, there are going to be a rash of year ending, authoritative sounding Best of 2011 lists being released – whether it’s for albums, singles, movies, TV shows, iPhone apps, nipple slips, etc.  I’m warning you: everyone makes one for something, and everyone thinks theirs is the definitive one on that particular subject.

What is it about lists that fascinate our feeble minds so?  I will read any list I come across, judge it harshly, and probably leave a comment on where I believe it was wrong.  But in reality, who the hell cares whether the new Black Keys album is placed at #4 on one list or at #5 on another, when I think it should be at #3?  (Note: this is an example, and is not what I actually think about the new Black Keys album, since I haven’t heard it yet.)

 Every list is arbitrarily made, most are hastily thrown together, and none of them are going to encompass the whole of the continuous march of culture that has taken place in the past 12 months.  But that shouldn’t stop anyone from making one.  Why?  Because they’re fun as hell, and even if you’re not a critic, it’s fun to play one every so often. 

Make a list, share it on Facebook, tweet about it, email it to everyone you know.  Make it about whatever you like most in life.  Beer you tried, humiliating Yankee losses, jokes about Steve Jobs’ death. (Too soon?)  But God help you if you put the Bon Iver album any lower than number 5 on Best Albums. 

There has been a rash of discussion on Twitter about a service called Klout – whether it’s useful, how it measures people, what everyone’s score is.  Klout describes itself as “the standard for influence.” What that actually means is that they attempt to measure, when you tweet, how much it’s acted upon, and they give a number that represents that action.  If you haven’t tried it to see your own score, go ahead.  I’ll wait.  Put your score in the comments so we can all laugh at how little sway you have over anyone else. 

But here’s the trick: no one should care in the slightest what that number is.  It’s a made up number, arrived at through fancy algorithms and inane bullshit, and it’s not relevant to anything outside of Twitter, which is already the least effective tool for judging anything. 

My Klout dropped a point! *sob*

If you’re looking to converse with people about a certain topic, don’t you already know who the influential people are?  Besides, it doesn’t seem like it really knows what the hell is going on.  I mean, Klout will tell you that Mike Danger is influential about Religion & Spirituality.  Maybe he’s talking to other people about his thoughts on the Abrahamic religions, but I’ve never seen it.

Stick to who you know.  Stick to who they know.  Chances are, if you’re already following someone you like, you’ll probably like the people they follow as well.  And if you don’t, just unfollow them.  You don’t need fancy metrics for that.  And if someone ever, anywhere, asks you in a serious manner what your Klout score is, you should immediately cease conversing with that person. 

The End of a Baseball Season
No one, except for me and Ken Burns, cares about baseball anymore.  Sure, six billion people show up to watch baseball games each year, but no one goes for much more than the ambiance of being at a baseball game.  Speaking as a fan, even I could wander around Frontier Field for the entirety of a game, eating hot dogs and fried dough and drinking Rohrbach’s Red Wing Ale.  How many 6 to 3 putouts can a casual fan be expected to take in over the course of three hours?

With the completion of the World Series this week, we’ll all have to wait until next April for that experience again – unless you’re in Florida or Arizona, in which case you only need to wait until February.

Parking Tickets
I saw Danger’s story about his wife keying the hell out of some poor bastard’s car when they first met, and the accompanying picture of a “You Suck At Parking” card.

When I was in Urban Outfitters in Buffalo not long ago (waiting for my girlfriend; I perused their vinyl and kitschy book selection), I saw them selling whole books of those tickets that you could tear out when someone offended you with his or her terrible parking job.

The best one? “The way you pulled in makes me wish your dad had pulled out.”

Recall, bitches!

Follow Andy from Tympanogram on Twitter, 'like' their Facebook page and help increase his Klout score.  Don't let him tell you for a second that he isn't influential on the topic of Justin Bieber.
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Tags :  
Topics : Human Interest
Locations : ArizonaBuffaloFlorida
People : Justin BieberKen BurnsMike DangerSteve Jobs


Caption This! 10/27/11

Something new (and totally unoriginal) for my page, A CAPTION CONTEST!  Best caption wins...nothing!  Today's pic is timely if only because the circus is in town.

Still smells better than most guests of the Cadilac Hotel

Have a crack with your best captions in the comment section below.
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BuzzFeed-Wed. 10/26/11

It's all downhill from here
The big celebrity gossip of the past 24 hours is that Lindsay Lohan has accepted an offer to do a spread in Playboy.  Reports have her making anywhere from three quarters of a million, to one million for posing.  Kinda late, no? I mean, I certainly would be more intrigued if this news coincided with the release of the August 2004 issue.  Think of how much blow she can score with that kind of money! "She's disgusting!" will be said by every female who you bring this up to, and they're right.  I, on the other hand, always try to think of LiLo in a more positive light and try to remember the days where she was a smoke show.  Now, all we can hope is that the pictorial isn't scratch n' sniff.

The good ol' days...

This is the part where I become a teenage girl
Oh mah gaw...I kinda lost it yesterday when Rockstar Games set a release date for the first Grand Theft Auto V trailer.  You read that right.  I got excited about a video game.  Not even the release of the game!  God knows when that will be! I got excited about the pre-hype to the hype!  Here's the thing.  I'm a 36 year old guy with a wife and 2 daughters.  I don't go out much and I certainly don't get to run over hookers in my SUV and wrap up my evening with a lap dance.  Carmen Electra's not walking through that door.  I grew up playing video games and will always enjoy playing them.  I enjoy the escape and they actually relax me (while making me sleep deprived).  Ok, justification over.  As a fan of this franchise, I've gotta say I'm pretty curious to see in what direction they decide to go. Give me the ability to base jump from a helicopter after pushing Perez Hilton out and I'll be pleased...

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Topics : Entertainment_Culture
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People : Lindsay LohanOh


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